Blog3

Equip a Sack For Once.

By Christian Zannetti

Sources: http://assassinscreed.wikia.com/wiki/Assassin%27s_Creed_II 

You're on an island, some of your family was killed the rest are alive and captured. What do you do? Do you A. grab some guns and go hunt the fuckers down, B. Call for help, or C. curl up in the fetal position and cry your eyes out like a little bitch? Not like you have the choice these days; games now are SOOO annoying with how the main character is portrayed. You never get to start out as "Billy-Bad-Ass" and if you do, you don't get any "badder" you stay the same semi bad ass self and probably fall for some chick and get all emotional. Bullshit. Most games today have you start off as a whiney little bitch that has never shot a gun, let alone held one. The sight of blood or dead bodies usually frightens you, and you're afraid of half-naked women! I thought games were supposed to be your escape from reality? Well in reality, I have shot guns, I have seen dead bodies and I sure as hell ain't no virgin. So why the hell am I some pussy in a video game??

 In a recent game called "Far Cry 3" you start off as a young character called Jason Brody. A young boy who obviously has been sheltered his whole life, but let's ignore the fact that his nagging girlfriend probably never puts out and his parents fed him with a silver spoon. You and your brother are being held in a cage when you both begin your escape from the enemy camp. On your sneak run through the camp your brother happens to save your ass and kill some dude, but you freak out and are all like "OH EM GEE! Grant you just killed that guy! You can't do that!" (Even though he's a part of the whole crew that has your family and friends captured)  As soon as I heard that shit I almost turned the game off. Yes the character development in the game is amazing; you soon become a gun wielding sicko who likes to shoot anything that moves. But why do we have to wait till half way through the game for that to happen?

Ok now wait, that's not the only issue with characters these days.  Have you ever been playing a game and the character is just the most diesel mother f**ker on the face of the earth? Nothing can stop him, you have the biggest guns and girls are just falling all over you. Yeah and I bet half way through the game you meet one chick who you save and is just so rude to you and always gets in the way, but magically you guys fall in love and have some big and played out sex scene and you become Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie in the last scene of that movie Mr. and Mrs. Smith. I've seen it time and time again, like in Assassins Creed. When they first introduced Ezio Alditore in Assassins Creed 2 he was the shit!!! You start off as a young kid, the girls are swooning, you beat the crap out of a mob of kids by yourself, you're the man! You grow up, still "macin" girls, but now you kill people and fly from rooftop to rooftop. What more could a kid ask for? Well that "Billy-Bad-Ass" persona comes crashing down in Revelations. Of course at the start he meets a girl, beautiful as she is smart. Names Sophia, cool girl, but always nagging you and sending you on errands (already sounds like a marriage), needless to say the bad guy captures her and you now have to save her cause. But why do you have to save her, oh what a surprise, you love her now.  Can't a guy just not deal with feeble emotions in a video game and just go on a rampage of plundering, maybe some killing, and sleeping with every girl who crosses his path? You know, like a true barbarian.